Married and so glad for it. Finally life is moving forward. Its still not easy and it can be sometimes quite awful still but i do try. quiet moments, crazy ones, no sleep because of opposite schedules, our cute apartment. life is good. i love my love. and that is good. i lay here typing and thinking and talking because my lover is at work all night and i cant sleep. kinda amazing how fast you come to need someone there even after years alone. but i dont mind. its better to long then to have no one. tonight i will attempt to visit him for his lunch break at 3 am, if i am awake enough to drive at that time, haha. no work tomorrow, but no time for church either. too bad there arnt sunday night services anymore. i had an awesome conversation with a good friend last night about community and it excited me. i miss community..shes really on the right track. its good to know somewhere its working, the wave is catching and coming and making a difference. its all we can hope for, really, that someone life will change for the better somewhere in spite of all our best efforts.
i am proud of myself for today, because after my crazy day at the music store i came home and actually practiced my violin, FINALLY, and even went and swam laps at the apartment pool. there was an old lady there whose unfriendly poodle tried to get me and wound up just choking on its collar as she told me all about how her grandchildren were going to come and swim. i am starting to understand how people end up the way they do sometimes. maybe its working in retail. People are such interesting creatures. its funny how unrealistic very simple expectations are. gabriel keeps telling me to let go of the little expections, and be happy and giving, instead of stressing and getting upset about them. he is right. he is wonderful. and, really, in spite of any hardship, life is wonderful.
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